Woody Allen Quotes

Woody Allen Quotes: You make a film and always hope you're going make
Author: Woody Allen
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don't you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.
Author: Woody Allen
Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
Author: Woody Allen
Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
Author: Woody Allen
I wouldn't necessarily want to be a big muscular guy. It's nice to be gorgeous whether you're male or female assuming you don't lose whatever else you have.
Author: Woody Allen
I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
Author: Woody Allen
Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
Author: Woody Allen
I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
Author: Woody Allen
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
Author: Woody Allen
Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again... I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O'Neill were laughing.
Author: Woody Allen
God, you Jews are truly exotic.
Author: Woody Allen
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
Author: Woody Allen
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Author: Woody Allen
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
Author: Woody Allen
With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script--at least in my case.
Author: Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Author: Woody Allen
Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author:
Author: Woody Allen
I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.
Author: Woody Allen
My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
Author: Woody Allen
I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
Author: Woody Allen