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Jimmy Fallon Quotes

Jimmy Fallon Quotes: A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say 'anyone but Donald Trump.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
The film 'Boyhood' won the Golden Globe for best drama. It follows one guy's journey over the course of 12 years - or as Mitt Romney calls that, 'running for president.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I saw a shooting star, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Today Google celebrated its 13th anniversary.... That's right, Google turned 13 years old. Which explains why today when I searched for something, Google was just like,
Author: Jimmy Fallon
A major Iowa newspaper published an op-ed against Trump calling him a 'self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard.' Or as Trump put it, 'You forgot very rich ... I'm a very rich, self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard. Very, very rich.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
The pipeline would run from Canada to the Gulf Coast. It'll be the biggest underground structure leading into the U.S. Then people in Mexico said, 'Eh . . . second biggest.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to 'unlock their full potential,' because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, 'You can't just steal someone's slogan like that!' And Hillary said, 'Yes we can!'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
There are reports that Russia is actually working with North Korea to encourage
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Rand Paul is taking a week-long break from talking to the media to spend time with his family before he officially announces that he is running for president. Because nothing motivates you to be on the road for two straight years like a week alone with your family.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Some areas near Dallas experienced a 3.5-magnitude earthquake, which some blame on fracking. However, scientists say that it was more likely aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys game.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
I saw that Donald Trump is selling his penthouse suite at the Trump Park Avenue building here in New York City for $21 million. When asked why he's selling it now, Trump said 'Hey, Americans seem to be buying everything else I'm selling, so why not strike while the iron's hot.'
Author: Jimmy Fallon
My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you're married, it's actually located in your wife's brain.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats.
Author: Jimmy Fallon
This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.
Author: Jimmy Fallon